We like to count and measure things and take stock. Another popular kind of milestone has come and it is almost gone - the calendar year. I wish those who wish me. It is a very useful event, for which I have very little use. I have this natural tendency to look at the other side of the coin always and also lack a conviction in pretty much everything. It can be called anything from a balanced mind to the ficklest. I exist in poles and tend to reverse polarity, so what's attractive now is pushed away later.
Instead of getting myself in a loop by thinking on both sides, I have started to put the best foot forward and see where it goes. Calling in sick for two days without being sick and avoiding work is not the best place where you start doing such a thing, but the cogs are just not willing to turn for what I have now almost accepted as a day job. The bosses are on vacation, otherwise I would have told them all this already. A month ago, people were asking me to take a vacation. Three/Four months of non-stop-weekend-inclusive-long-hour working is disconcerting for anyone to watch. I have taken that vacation. Now I am not able to end it. I feel like I am just stuck with the job. I don't know if I like it. I don't know what I would like to do either. Perhaps something that does not require you to sit in one place and think day in and day out. May be do something where your efforts show a tangible change. Like, cleaning your room or cooking your own food or brushing teeth. All of a sudden, it does not make sense to make a few electronic brains tick and show some intangible results and make virtual money. It is repulsive. I don't know if I want to go to work tomorrow either. The boss might call me and make me work of course. He will have all the weapons of truth on his side -- this job is easy money. It is something I had wanted to do. It is what feeds me. There really are not too many skills in my resume for me to get a different job. I am chicken when it comes to 'change'. Have to pay off the loans. But, the message is simply not sinking in. Unless I really empty the bank balance and start to starve, as things stand, I am simply not going to work. There is no hunger for this food called work. I am also anorexic. Call me lazy. I did. But looks like I am too lazy to allow it to bother me.
If I don't work tomorrow, I will starve myself to simulate poverty and see if that helps.
update: I didn't have to starve. Just woke up on the right side of the bed.
Instead of getting myself in a loop by thinking on both sides, I have started to put the best foot forward and see where it goes. Calling in sick for two days without being sick and avoiding work is not the best place where you start doing such a thing, but the cogs are just not willing to turn for what I have now almost accepted as a day job. The bosses are on vacation, otherwise I would have told them all this already. A month ago, people were asking me to take a vacation. Three/Four months of non-stop-weekend-inclusive-long-hour working is disconcerting for anyone to watch. I have taken that vacation. Now I am not able to end it. I feel like I am just stuck with the job. I don't know if I like it. I don't know what I would like to do either. Perhaps something that does not require you to sit in one place and think day in and day out. May be do something where your efforts show a tangible change. Like, cleaning your room or cooking your own food or brushing teeth. All of a sudden, it does not make sense to make a few electronic brains tick and show some intangible results and make virtual money. It is repulsive. I don't know if I want to go to work tomorrow either. The boss might call me and make me work of course. He will have all the weapons of truth on his side -- this job is easy money. It is something I had wanted to do. It is what feeds me. There really are not too many skills in my resume for me to get a different job. I am chicken when it comes to 'change'. Have to pay off the loans. But, the message is simply not sinking in. Unless I really empty the bank balance and start to starve, as things stand, I am simply not going to work. There is no hunger for this food called work. I am also anorexic. Call me lazy. I did. But looks like I am too lazy to allow it to bother me.
If I don't work tomorrow, I will starve myself to simulate poverty and see if that helps.
update: I didn't have to starve. Just woke up on the right side of the bed.
4 comments:
:)
p.s: you do know, what that smile means right?? "you can say that again!" and "been there, didnt wait even for the t-shirt!" :p
wow! aren't we all suffering.. so me quitting 6 jobs in 2 yrs is justified i guess :P
typically you. :)
that was typically me exactly one year ago :) I miss that me :) (a little).
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