keyfabe

I have been talking too much at work lately. Too many anecdotes. I am afraid I don't know what I am going to say next. I have always enjoyed the fact that I don't have to watch what I am saying, but lately I feel like I know too much about too many things to be blurting out words carelessly. I am not able to catch myself on time before this happens. I helplessly watch myself get into a minor mess which perhaps only I am aware of. I can't say that for sure because people around are not exactly honest. They observe etiquette. That was not the case when the team's average age was lesser. Nowadays you really have to wonder what goes on in someone's head. Probably nothing is going on, but there's nothing better than silence to stir some chaos. I don't know when my mouth is going to cause some serious damage. I don't know how I got into this keyfabe. I will break character. I need to stay away from news/information/forming opinions and bury myself in the task at hand and just lie low for as long as possible. There could be a problem. What I have observed is, without a certain amount of attention from people, especially when I have zero 'friends' near me, I have become a sucker for any kind of attention. Lame. Yes. But, fact. Just like a moth... can't resist getting burned. I can't resist showing off a clever word play or when I find a problem and see a solution. I also get insecure when credit is not given where it is due, especially when I think I am diligent on this regard with others. This is not about modesty, this is merely about acknowledgement. There's nothing more irritating than to hear someone explain a problem or a solution to someone else as if it all occurred in their head. Actually there is just one thing more irritating... that's when the problem/solution you found makes a full circle and finds you :). That begs a question though, what would my boss feel? He must face this ALL the time.

"do thy duty, fruit is not thy concern". Deep breath.