talk 001

Her nasal mumbles to an imaginary audience sputtered out viscous drool around her as she precessed now and then under the influence. Influence of gravity that is. She carefully placed the tweety bird on my palm when I extended my hand, as I lay down on the couch. A few seconds later, she took it back. I did not move my hand. She was busy with the toy. A few moments later I showed the other palm. She repeated the same steps again. She did not get bored for the next five times. Then she got distracted by a noise from the outside. She dropped the bird absently on my hand and hurried on her toes to the entrance and stood there looking outside. Her silhouette, with a bright halo, was stalk still, rapt in attention. A moment later she hurried back in, on her toes, shrieking with joy. She got distracted by the tweety bird again and took it from me and started to explore it with her mouth. I didn't have to guess what she saw. "uh!" she said, wide eyed and open mouthed, an expression that said: "have you not understood yet?". "Oh, of course. I understand", I said and smiled at her. She left it at that and went back to chewing the toy. Sometimes I take away the toy and put the side of my palm under the gums and watch her not being able to bite with a mouth that's now too full. I got reminded of Charlie Chaplin being fed corn by a machine. I laughed out aloud. She responded in kind. That was a good conversation, I thought. I said thanks. I opened my eyes. She closed hers.

keyfabe

I have been talking too much at work lately. Too many anecdotes. I am afraid I don't know what I am going to say next. I have always enjoyed the fact that I don't have to watch what I am saying, but lately I feel like I know too much about too many things to be blurting out words carelessly. I am not able to catch myself on time before this happens. I helplessly watch myself get into a minor mess which perhaps only I am aware of. I can't say that for sure because people around are not exactly honest. They observe etiquette. That was not the case when the team's average age was lesser. Nowadays you really have to wonder what goes on in someone's head. Probably nothing is going on, but there's nothing better than silence to stir some chaos. I don't know when my mouth is going to cause some serious damage. I don't know how I got into this keyfabe. I will break character. I need to stay away from news/information/forming opinions and bury myself in the task at hand and just lie low for as long as possible. There could be a problem. What I have observed is, without a certain amount of attention from people, especially when I have zero 'friends' near me, I have become a sucker for any kind of attention. Lame. Yes. But, fact. Just like a moth... can't resist getting burned. I can't resist showing off a clever word play or when I find a problem and see a solution. I also get insecure when credit is not given where it is due, especially when I think I am diligent on this regard with others. This is not about modesty, this is merely about acknowledgement. There's nothing more irritating than to hear someone explain a problem or a solution to someone else as if it all occurred in their head. Actually there is just one thing more irritating... that's when the problem/solution you found makes a full circle and finds you :). That begs a question though, what would my boss feel? He must face this ALL the time.

"do thy duty, fruit is not thy concern". Deep breath.