I am not someone who regrets his actions for I usually know exactly why something was done. The closest I come to regrets is in my dreams. Sometimes they seem to last an entire night focussed on one agenda and never fail to highlight something.
I just woke up from one and thoughts are zipping by.
She was one of those doors that opened when another one was firmly closed. Beyond the un-avoided pleasantries, social habits, social media habits and personal habits there has been a definite connection. I doubt it sometimes. But I am quite sure.
She was one of the two people I hung on to when I was turning a corner. I have never felt that way afterwards because I knew what was coming. If she helped me to hold on to life's infinite possibilities then there was a he who showed me, in stark contrast and brutal honesty, death and void. It is one of those paradoxes where they end up being the same - life and death - probably. The "world" and the "void". Don't get me wrong, they are probably equally aware of both world and void... just that they ended up on different sides in my mind.
I knew I would never be able to do anything for her... It just would not work. Mostly because I am incapable. The benefits are doomed to be one way. Or may be there is still a future where it is different. But once again, thanks pal.
The dream is already evaporating. But she remained sophisticated, cracked, stubborn and savvy and the only one who can help herself was herself.... or now that I think about it, anything that she considers a part of herself. She also belongs to a set of two people who can get me completely tongue tied, for different reasons. May be it was a stupid dream or may be it is the quintessential portrait. Either way, it is etched on this dead-end: me... on a note on the ocean, appropriately, but not too far away.